Friday, March 31, 2006


another amazing sunset

i love those sunsets that have to fight their way through the clouds sending spokes of colored light in every direction before finally diving into the sea.

especially when i can share them with friends from the tranquila bar dock. with an ice cold beer.

a lot of my friends (not that I have that many) seem to be leaving the island lately. some for opportunity, some for hard life choices. that's the biggest problem with living in a place like this. you keep losing family.
and the longer you're here the harder it gets to let new people in. i know it's the same in "real life" it's just that it seems more noticable here.

today i start the "fix my stove" quest in ernest. i know intellectually that playing with matches and propane in an enclosed space is not the smartest thing i've ever done but, somehow, it just seems like a good idea today.
after that (if there is an after that) i plan to stand on a rickety plastic chair in my shower and try to fix my showerhead. don't worry, i'm going to tie a safety line to the shower curtain rod.

it's a good day to tempt fate.

it's time for me to quit drinking tequila again. i'm starting to hear rumors about myself that sound a little too close to the truth. in the last two weeks alone i've actually been in the bar until closing. at least once i stayed after lights out. for two hours. this has to have something to do with the new "mustacheless" jungle. my evil twin.

i think i'm going to start spreading the infamous beer dogs around the island again. once a week i've decided to try cooking in the afternoon at colibri hotel. hey, swimming pool, cold beer, hot's a no brainer, folks.

well, i'm off for another cup of coffee.

have fun.

Thursday, March 30, 2006


i'm just about to give up on trying to make my propane tank work.

(it gives me something to do).

i thought at first it just didn't set right so i put some dive weights on top of the valve. 18 lbs of them. so I guess i'm going to have to ask archie lee to swap it for another one.

the widowmaker shower head in my shower is no longer jungle friendly.

(keep those comments to yourselves thank you very much)

and i slammed another gecko in the door.

chris and amanda stole my secret sauce recipe for my internationally famous beer dogs last night. just because i was late in getting here.

(i was busy)

these things would be enough to piss off a lesser man but i'm not going to let such mundane events get to me like that. there's a life out there and i'm going to get it before someone else does. damn the torpedos. pass the salva vida.

for those of you who told me to stop wingeing about the rain i'd just like to remind you that you chose to live in those dreary places that are all cold and stuff. i tried to stop you but, as usual, you chose to ignore the voice of experience and sagacity.

(look it up)

this morning i had a nice walk from past the old airstrip and all the way back to blue bayou. i like the time between when all the drunks have staggered off to bed and the "normal" people get up and start moving about. it's like my own little ghost town. the east wind is back, the sun is out, and the water's warm. that's right, i'm diving on a more regular basis. all part of the plan to take over the world. you'll hear about the rest of it on cnn.

i've just learned that the (once) great state of texas has passed a law whereby undercover cops can now arrest people in a bar for getting drunk.


apparently they've solved all other crime and can now concentrate on those individuals who "might" be driven by that sneakiest of drugs to commit some horrible crime. a pre-emptive arrest. i guess it's now a felony to wake up with an ugly fat person you don't know. glad i made the move when i did.

the nefarious part of this scheme is that some of these undercover cops are also women. now people are not only going to have to deal with the social and mental trauma of knowing that they actually hit on a woman with a bigger gun than them but they can actually get thrown in jail for bad techinque.

oh, the humanity!

what is the world coming to?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


life changing events

just a few days ago i unwittingly altered the quality of my life by shaving the mustache that had been my constant companion for the last thirty years. oh, i expected the usual caustic comments and slurs about the now uneven tanning of my heretofore partially obscured face. and the ones about how much uglier i am without it.

it was the rift in the fabric of my universe i was unprepared for.

within hours my favorite tv station was removed from my local cable company. when i went out in the street young children cried. dogs barked. cats ignored me as usual. horses neighed.

my propane tank stopped working (yes, it's full). this is a problem because i'm trying (and succeeding) to lose weight. i allow myself one greasy fried meal a week. (i'm from texas; this is a requirement of citizenship)
so after a week of special k i was eagerly looking forward to my greasefest. the rift said "no".

it rained for three days. this is not our rainy season and three days of rain on a caribbean island is a bad thing.
the rift.

i walk for an hour to an hour and a half early most mornings. i was on the other side of the island when the rain started. as i started back to town my right sandal came apart so i had to continue my walk in a pouring rain barefoot. it's a long, rocky road. there are savage packs of feral dogs there. (ok, it was a miniature something, but it was very yappy) the rift.

i lost four students. well, i know where they are they just decided to postpone their instructor class 'til next month. at least two of them are going to my competition. this has never happened before. the rift.

the most wierd thing of all is the fact that i'm strangely upbeat. i feel really good physically and emotionally. i'm truly happy. the rift?